Alhamdulillah – just today, while conversing with friends, the swarm of words I’ve read and heard here and there, and life experiences in general came together in a shape that became meaningful and struck me with such profound recognition that I felt I must share it here: women are the perfect gauge for social units big and small. Oh, that just does not give justice to the thoughts but that’s about as concrete a description as I am able give.
If a woman struggles to offer her prayers, longs to do more in terms of deeds and worship to Allah Ta’aala but feels burdened with worldly responsibilities and tired from it all – what does this situation say about the men in her life? If she is in this state, can they be in a better state than her?
If a woman, whose primary place of worship is her home – everything she does within, including all obligatory acts of worship, can be and are acts of worship – struggles and is dissatisfied therein, then what must be the state of the men in her life? If she is in this state, can they be in a better position than her to make the journey out of their homes for worship and work?
If a woman struggles despite the responsibility men are given by Allah Ta’aala to provide for and care for women – then what must be the state of men in her life? If she is not properly provided for, can men be in a better position than her?
And if women struggle collectively or the struggle of women is visibly prominent, then what must be the state of the society she is a part of? Can she be in a worse state that the whole, or does she represent the state of the whole?
And what must be the state of the children?
Women are the perfect gauge. If problems are sensed, the sensible thing to do is to look deeper and get to the root of the problem… knowing that her struggles and dissatisfaction are likely symptoms of problems that are outside of the parameters of any control Allah Ta’aala has blessed her with. Don’t get me wrong, the issue is not so simple to point to this or that and say fix this link and all will be solved… no. However, seeing those interconnections may help shed some light on problems many families and societies face and relieve some of the blame and additional burden placed unfairly on some women.
How then can women be inferior to men if without women the superiority of men would be meaningless and with women superiority of men is impossible? If any exit, all similarities between the sexes must end at some point – be it chronological, physical or emotional, or more importantly – as described and ordered by Allah Ta’aala.
Women are the perfect gauge and therefore talk of inferiority or superiority between women and men is superficial and meaningless; however, talk about the inferiority/superiority of some family units and social constructs over others is possible.
The following piece is by Yasmeen Mogahed:
On March 18, 2005, Amina Wadud led the first female-led jum`ah (Friday) prayer. On that day, women took a huge step towards being more like men. But did we come closer to actualizing our God-given liberation?
I don’t think so.
What we so often forget is that God has honored the woman by giving her value in relation to God—not in relation to men. But as Western feminism erases God from the scene, there is no standard left—except men. As a result, the Western feminist is forced to find her value in relation to a man. And in so doing, she has accepted a faulty assumption. She has accepted that man is the standard, and thus a woman can never be a full human being until she becomes just like a man.
When a man cut his hair short, she wanted to cut her hair short. When a man joined the army, she wanted to join the army. She wanted these things for no other reason than because the “standard” had it.
What she didn’t recognize was that God dignifies both men and women in their distinctiveness – not their sameness. And on March 18, Muslim women made the very same mistake.
For 1400 years there has been a consensus of the scholars that men are to lead prayer. As a Muslim woman, why does this matter? The one who leads prayer is not spiritually superior in any way. Something is not better just because a man does it. And leading prayer is not better, just because it’s leading. Had it been the role of women or had it been more divine, why wouldn’t the Prophet ﷺ have asked Ayesha or Khadija, or Fatima—the greatest women of all time—to lead? These women were promised heaven—and yet they never led prayer.
But now, for the first time in 1400 years, we look at a man leading prayer and we think, “That’s not fair.” We think so although God has given no special privilege to the one who leads. The imam is no higher in the eyes of God than the one who prays behind.
On the other hand, only a woman can be a mother. And God has given special privilege to a mother. The Prophet ﷺ taught us that heaven lies at the feet of mothers. But no matter what a man does he can never be a mother. So why is that not unfair?
When asked, “Who is most deserving of our kind treatment?” the Prophet ﷺ replied, “Your mother” three times before saying “your father” only once. Is that sexist? No matter what a man does he will never be able to have the status of a mother.
And yet, even when God honors us with something uniquely feminine, we are too busy trying to find our worth in reference to men to value it—or even notice. We, too, have accepted men as the standard; so anything uniquely feminine is, by definition, inferior. Being sensitive is an insult, becoming a mother—a degradation. In the battle between stoic rationality (considered masculine) and selfless compassion (considered feminine), rationality reigns supreme.
As soon as we accept that everything a man has and does is better, all that follows is a knee-jerk reaction: if men have it, we want it too. If men pray in the front rows, we assume this is better, so we want to pray in the front rows too. If men lead prayer, we assume the imam is closer to God, so we want to lead prayer too. Somewhere along the line we’ve accepted the notion that having a position of worldly leadership is some indication of one’s position with God.
A Muslim woman does not need to degrade herself in this way. She has God as a standard. She has God to give her value; she doesn’t need a man.
In fact, in our crusade to follow men, we as women never even stopped to examine the possibility that what we have is better for us. In some cases we even gave up what was higher only to be like men.
Fifty years ago, society told us that men were superior because they left the home to work in factories. We were mothers. And yet, we were told that it was women’s liberation to abandon the raising of another human being in order to work on a machine. We accepted that working in a factory was superior to raising the foundation of society—just because a man did it.
Then, after working, we were expected to be superhuman—the perfect mother, the perfect wife, the perfect homemaker—and have the perfect career. And while there is nothing wrong, by definition, with a woman having a career, we soon came to realize what we had sacrificed by blindly mimicking men. We watched as our children became strangers and soon recognized the privilege we’d given up.
And so only now—given the choice—women in the West are choosing to stay home to raise their children. According to the United States Department of Agriculture, only 31 percent of mothers with babies, and 18 percent of mothers with two or more children, are working full-time. And of those working mothers, a survey conducted by Parenting Magazine in 2000, found that 93% of them say they would rather be at home with their kids, but are compelled to work due to ‘financial obligations.’ These ‘obligations’ are imposed on women by the gender sameness of the modern West, and removed from women by the gender distinctiveness of Islam.
It took women in the West almost a century of experimentation to realize a privilege given to Muslim women 1400 years ago.
Given my privilege as a woman, I only degrade myself by trying to be something I’m not – and in all honesty – don’t want to be: a man. As women, we will never reach true liberation until we stop trying to mimic men, and value the beauty in our own God-given distinctiveness.
If given a choice between stoic justice and compassion, I choose compassion. And if given a choice between worldly leadership and heaven at my feet—I choose heaven.
Peace to you all.